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21 May 2006
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Saying "no"
Berkata "tidak"

Kalau saja Tuhan Yesus menyamar menjadi manusia, maka Dia adalah seorang yang sempurna. Namun lepas dari itu, tidak ada seorang pun di dunia ini yang sempurna. Kita memiliki batas-batas. Misalnya dalam mengerjakan tugas di sekolah, kita memiliki keterbatasan. Aku, contohnya, tidak bakal mampu menjalani ujian 3 buah sekaligus dalam 1 hari karena pengalaman ku di semester lalu telah menunjukkan kalau ujian 2 buah dalam sehari telah menguras banyak tenaga di hari-hari sebelumnya (waktu mempersiapkannya). Tidak hanya tugas sekolah, tugas lain yang sepele sekalipun, kita memiliki keterbatasan untuk melakukannya. Contoh: Mampukah kamu menemani si A berjalan-jalan ke Mall B dan menemani si C berjalan-jalan ke Mall D dalam waktu bersamaan? Pasti tidak, karena kamu tidak bisa membelah diri kamu. Tapi kamu BISA berjanji pada si A dan juga ke si C. Nah loh, apa artinya? Kamu BERBOHONG. Karena pasti pada hari H, kamu akan berkata pada salah satu dari si A atau C, "Eh maaf, hari ini tidak bisa ikut kamu. Aku ada acara lain." ditambahi alasan-alasan lainnya.

If only Lord Jesus disguised himself as a human, then he was a perfect human. But unrelated to that, no one in this world are perfect. We have limitations. For example, in doing our tasks in the school, we have limitations. For example, I, will not be able to take 3 exams in one day since my experiments in the last semester have shown me that 2 exams in a day had made my energy empty in the previous days (while preparing). Not only school errands, we have limitations to do even other errands that are simple enough. Example: Is it possible for you to accompany Mr. A to hang out at Mall B and at the same time accompanying Mr. C to hang out at Mall D? Definitely not, because you cannot split your body. But you can make a promise to both Mr. A and Mr. C. Now you see, what is the meaning of that? It means you are LYING. Because at the day D, you will say to either Mr. A or C, “Eh sorry, today I cannot accompany you. I have other things to do,” with other reasons added.

Untuk orang tipe aku, sangat lah susah untuk berkata "tidak" ketika menghadapi tawaran atau undangan dari orang lain. Misal: "Eh, besok mau ke sini ga?", "Lusa, makan di sini yu!", "Eh, kamu ko ga pernah pergi ma aku sih? Sombong kamu. Besok temeni ke sini ya?", dan lain sebagainya. Kenapa susah? Hanya satu alasannya. Karena aku takut menyakiti perasaan mereka. Aku paling takut menyakiti perasaan orang lain. Entah bagaimanapun, menurutku, lebih baik bagiku untuk menyakiti perasaan ku sendiri daripada orang lain. Alasan lain, karena aku puas ketika mengetahui teman-temanku senang berada bersama ku. Dulu aku pernah mendengar peribahasa, aku lupa bunyinya, yang punya makna bahwa seseorang itu disukai orang lain kalau kehadirannya membawa suasana senang bagi orang di sekitarnya. Selama aku bisa membawa rasa senang bagi orang lain, tentu aku akan merasa senang juga. Toh kepentingan umum itu mesti diutamakan dari kepentingan pribadi.

For people of my type, it is very difficult to say “no” when facing offer or invitation from the others. Example: “Eh, do you want to come here tomorrow?”, “The day after tomorrow, let's eat here!”, “Hey, why you never go with me? How cold of you. Tomorrow, accompany me to this place, ok?”, and many others. Why is it difficult? There is only one reason. Because I am afraid to hurt their feelings. The thing I am most afraid is hurting others' feelings. I don't know what it is, I think, it is better to hurt my own feelings rather than others'. The other reason is, I am satisfied knowing my friends are happy when they are together with me. In the past I heard a saying, I forgot what it is, but the meaning is that a person is liked by others when his/her presence bring a happiness to the people around him/her. Isn't it true that public interest must be prioritized rather than self interest?

Diriku waktu SMP dan SMA, memang demikian adanya. Sekarang pun mungkin masih demikian. Tapi aku sudah muak dengan sifat ku ini. Ku usaha kan untuk mengubahnya. Entah bakal berhasil atau tidak.

When at junior and senior high school I have already been like that. Even now maybe I'm still like that. But I'm sick with this personality of mine. I'm trying to change it. I don't know whether it will be successful or not.

Padahal takut menyakiti hati teman itu baik loh, terus kenapa harus menghilangkan sifat ini?

In fact being scared to hurt a friend's feeling is good, so why must we lose this personality?

Suatu ketika di bulan April 2006, karena ketololan mulut ku yang tidak bisa berkata "tidak", aku mesti pergi berjalan-jalan menemani temanku selama tiga hari berturut2, sementara aku sendiri tidak memiliki kepentingan apa-apa. Teman yang dimaksud itu berbeda-beda pada tiap harinya, bukan individu yang sama. Waktu ditawari untuk ikut jalan-jalan, aku berkata "ya" pada mereka semua karena aku takut mereka mengecap ku sebagai individu sombong (di ajak jalan2 saja tidak mau). Padahal aku tahu, kalau jalan-jalan terus, sudah pasti uang keluar banyak dan bakal merasa capek. Belum lagi masi ada tugas lain yang mesti diselesaikan yaitu ujian! Harusnya, aku hanya menyanggupi satu tawaran saja. Akibatnya, tugas ku terlantar dan keuangan meningkat. Terutama karena biaya transportasi dan biaya makan yang lebih mahal daripada di dalam kampus. Kupikir-pikir, oke-oke saja, aku akan coba mengejar ketinggalan ku. Namun pada kenyataannya, sangat susah mengejar ketinggalan waktu, sementara jadwal ujian tidak bisa digeser.

Someday in April 2006, because of the foolishness of my mouth which cannot say “no”, I must go to accompany my friends three days in a row, when I don't have any needs myself. The mentioned friends were different each day, not the same individual. When invited to hang out with them, I said “yes” to all of them because I was afraid they would mark me as an arrogant individual (don't want to hang out together). Even though I knew, if I go out too often, I would spent a lot of money and I would feel tired. Yet, there is still another work to be finished, that is exam! I should have only accepted one of the invitations. Because of that, my work was neglected and my spending in money increased. Especially because of the transport fee and spending in food that is higher than those in campus. I thought it was okay, I would try to catch up with my lateness. But in fact, it was very difficult to catch up in time, on the other hand the exam schedule could not be postponed.

Di lain waktu, aku pernah berjanji pada dua orang yang berbeda, bahwa aku mau menjadi teman sekamar mereka di tahun berikutnya. Ketika sekarang aku pikir-pikir lagi, sungguh bodoh sekali tindakan ku kala itu. Dan kalau kamu bertanya kenapa aku bisa berjanji pada dua orang itu, maka jawaban yang sama akan kuulang. Bacalah sendiri di atas.

In other time, I give my promise to two different persons that I would be their roommate in the following year. Now, when I think about it again, I think my action at that time was very stupid. And if you ask me why I could give my promise to that two persons, I will repeat the same answer. Read it above yourself.

Lama-lama, aku jengkel dengan mulutku. Lebih lagi, aku jengkel dengan sifatku yang susah menolak. Sebenarnya, perlu kah kita menjaga perasaan teman kita, supaya jangan sampai mereka kecewa pada kita, atau merasa jengkel kepada kita karena kita menolak tawaran mereka? Jawablah dengan tegas, TIDAK PERLU (dan jawaban ini pula yang mesti kukatakan pada diriku sendiri ^^). Dari semua yang telah kualami selama ini, suka dan duka, benci dan senang, semua datang bergantian. Seorang teman pun demikian, belum tentu mereka kecewa kalau kita menolak ajakan mereka. Mungkin saja mereka memahami keadaan kita. Tapi kalaupun mereka memang kecewa dengan kita, biarkan saja. Bukankah itu juga berarti bahwa mereka bukanlah teman yang baik karena tidak bisa memahami keadaan orang lain. Tentu lain halnya jika kita terus-terus an menolak ajakan teman dan memberi bermacam-macam alasan yang kedengaran nya masuk akal tapi sebenarnya hanya ingin menghindar dari dia. Tapi untuk kasus biasa, sangatlah bijak untuk berkata "tidak!" pada saat pertama. Daripada menyanggupi saja tawaran orang hanya demi kepuasannya, padahal pada hari H kamu memberi alasan untuk mengelak dari janji yang telah kamu sanggupi.

Over time, I become annoyed with my mouth. Moreover, I become annoyed with my attitude which is being not able to decline. In reality, do we need to keep our friends' feelings, so that they are not disappointed with us, or become annoyed with us because we refused their offer? Say firmly, NO NEED (and this is the answer that I need to say to myself ^^). From what I have been having these times, joy and grieve, hate and love, all comes one after another. Friends are the same as that, they may not be always disappointed when we refuses their invitations. Maybe they understand our situation. But if they are indeed disappointed with us, let they be. Doesn't that mean they are not good friends because they cannot understand other's situations? But it is indeed different if we continuously refuse a friend's invitations and give various reasons that seems to make sense, but it is actually only for avoiding him/her. But for normal cases, it is very wise to just say “no!” from the first time, rather than accepting others' offer just for their satisfaction be fulfilled, but in the day D you give a reason to avoid the promise you have made.

Ada orang yang tidak suka ditolak, alias memaksakan kehendaknya dan menuntut orang berkata "ya!". Namun ada juga yang begitu pengertian dan tidak suka memaksakan kehendak. Untuk dua tipe orang ini, aku merasa senang bisa mengenal mereka semua karena mereka memberi makna dalam hidupku dan mereka mengajari ku banyak hal dengan kelakuan mereka. Dan untuk pembaca, semoga kalian semua bisa mendapat sesuatu setelah membaca artikel ini. Bagiku sendiri, menulis artikel ini bisa mengingatkan diriku untuk tidak mengulang kesalahan yang sama di waktu yang akan datang.

There are people who don't like being refused, in other words forcing their will and insist people to say “yes!”. But there are those that are very understanding and don't like to force their will. For the two types of people, I feel happy to know them all because they gives meaning to my life and they have taught me many things with their behaviours. So for you readers, I hope you can get something after you read this article. As for me, writing this article can remind me not to repeat the same mistake at future times.

Written by: rhs

That was a good self reflection. Sometimes it is necessary to say "no". We have to know the right time to say it, not letting yourself overdoing thing or doing something you do not want. However, on the other hand, there are some people who are so pushy (or maybe extremely sensitive) that we couldn't say no to them. It's not an easy thing to do, indeed. Sometimes I have a problem with that too. I think I have the idea who mr. rhs who wrote the article is ^^.

kittymew [de], 22 May 2006, 19:18 reply
rasanya orang timur memang susah berkata 'tidak' ya?
buat orang barat sepertinya mudah.. mereka tegas


Derianto Kusuma [id], 23 May 2006, 10:02 reply
btw pasti tidak semua setuju dengan kalimat ini "Kalau saja Tuhan Yesus menyamar menjadi manusia, maka Dia adalah seorang yang sempurna."
menurut saya hendaknya artikel-artikel umum tetap mempertahankan sifat non-diskriminatif


Derianto Kusuma [id], 23 May 2006, 10:04 reply
dude... it;s pretty cool...
it;s exactly reflect me
it;s me, my self and i rite now
pretty hard for me to say NO
i am learning now
thank's for the articel


wandi [au], 9 Jun 2006, 6:39 reply
nice advise frm derianto....1000% aggree

nadnad [id], 26 Jul 2007, 18:07 reply
I think it's all about priority and inner-peace.
You have to set your priority, the most important thing comes first, which one is more important between going with your friends or studying for examination? For me, studying is more important, because it is important for my future and for my family. But if I already prepare myself for the exam, of course I accept my friend's offer.
And having your inner-peace. My sister told me this:
"Adalah hal yang sangat bodoh untuk mencoba menyenangkan semua orang. Bahkan Tuhan sekalipun tidak memberikan kesenangan kepada semua orang. Jadi untuk apa anda melakukan hal yang bahkan tidak dilakukan oleh Allah." Bahkan Tuhan Yesus tidak menyembuhkan semua orang yang Ia temui di jalan. Ketahuilah siapa yang paling penting yang harus kamu senangkan. And that is what matter.
But of course, don't say "no" directly to your friends. Tell them why you can't say "yes". If they are your "real" friends, they'll understand.


NoOne [id], 21 Nov 2007, 8:25 reply
I think this story reflect my character
it's so hard to say "no" to others especially to ur chummy friends


adzkia Tanjung [id], 17 Sep 2008, 5:42 reply
haha, i always felt guilty to myself as often as said "no"

kris [id], 11 Jan 2009, 6:40 reply
i like your story coz' it's almost same with mine

laurachi [--], 11 Oct 2009, 8:34 reply